Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: Werewolves. Australia. Shenanigans. 'Nuff said.
Review: Every horror franchise, with at least three sequels, must have its obligatory "Halloween 3" equivalent. You've got Jason 5, Freddy 2, Leprechaun 4, Hellraiser 4, and the list goes on and on. You know...that sequel that makes no fucking sense and stands out among the others due to its oddity? Well, this is that entry for the Howling franchise. The sheer amount of shenanigans plaguing this movie is truly astounding. Again, I think we have a case of a script written in crayon--maybe finger paint this time around. While "Howling II" was no stranger to zany antics, and the editing was mental patient-chic, it at least had the gravitas of Christopher Lee, Sybil Danning's ample milk dispensers, that theme song, and a certain charm to the cornball nature of it all. "Howling III," on the other hand, has none of those things and takes itself far too seriously. But hey, at least it's still better than part 7 so it has that going for it!
Hmm...how to explain the events of this film. Huh. Well, the story has nothing to do with the other films or even common werewolf mythology. Now the werewolves are, you guessed it, fucking marsupials (not that this even matters). There's something about them coming from a wolf spirit or some shit...whatever, dude. The main werewolf girl runs away from the pack for the lulz when she is spotted by a guy working on a movie who wants her for a part. Apparently this guy has fallen in love at first sight which was pure bullshit and quite sad really. They fuck and the girl is pregnant almost immediately. I like how the guy doesn't question her kangaroo pouch or excessive amounts of body hair. Good lord. Also, how do werewolves breed? Look, I've read all kinds of shit over the years, like drinking water from the paw print of a wolf will make you a werewolf, but it's always a case of a human becoming one. This just doesn't work for me.
Anyway, while this nonsense is unfolding, scientists, with the assistance of the world's governments, are acknowledging the werewolf discovery. Except they already know they exist...and they thought they killed them all...or something along those lines. All of a sudden we get a random, Russian werewolf ballerina as she feels drawn to Australia. Half the time, you will probably be wondering what the hell is even happening in this movie so don't fret. The scientists study the werewolves after discovering their location in Australia. I will admit, the one thing I did like was that the town was called "flow" or wolf spelled backward; kinda reminds me of a certain "Nilbog" town. One scientist loves ballerina werewolf as he decides he will sabotage everything and free the beasts. There's something about hunters running around looking for them too. These hunters are then killed by a werewolf who turns into a spiritual monster...I guess. This werewolf dies for no discernible reason as well, but his skeleton can still fight? Uhh, okay. Then the government says, "Okay, send two guys to kill the werewolves and if they die never, ever send reinforcements." These two soldiers appear to be killed by a giant werewolf god that is thankfully blown up by a bazooka. Considering no one witnesses this scene, and it's not mentioned again, it really makes you wonder what was the point.
Next thing you know, the main werewolf girl, her loverboy, the scientist, and ballerina werewolf are just living in the outback having the time of their stupid lives. The entire last act of the film is all upbeat as we see the werewolf families grow up; in fact, the scientist's werewolf daughter was pretty cute. It's like 25 years later or something as everyone has moved back to civilization since the government, along with the pope, has given amnesty to werewolves. Psssssssssst...oh fuck...that's a good one! Everything seems to be going great with the main girl winning a fake Academy Award as she randomly turns into a werewolf on stage. The end. Yeeeaaah. Umm...I'm just gonna leave it at that.
What can I say? The story is a complete mess from start to finish with little to no direction. Events are strung together aimlessly, and they appear to forget this is a horror movie about an hour or so in. There are instances where they try to have fun with the material, but it's hard to have fun when they keep pushing this "can't we all just get along together" message every two seconds. I also don't understand why they wasted the chance to link this story to the last film; just throw in a line about the Australian werewolves distancing themselves from Stirba or whatever. As you will come to realize, parts 4-8 have nothing to do with this entry so this is a parallel universe at best. While this is a more competently made film than part 7, part 7 needs to be experienced! I wouldn't even bother with this entry unless you want the werewolf version of "Twilight."
Notable Moment: When all of the hunters' rifles coincidentally jam at once. The contrivances, baby. Must have been more of that wolfie magic.
Final Rating: 3/10
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