Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Long Weekend (Thai 2013) Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: A group of friends stay at a haunted island as zany antics ensue.

Review: Terrible. This is probably the worst Thai movie I've ever watched. What the fuck were they thinking? Besides being paper thin, the story is still presented in this nonchalant manner as if the audience is supposed to happily accept these off the charts levels of shenanigans. When I deal with shitacular movies I try to figure out what went wrong. Here, it's just plain amateur hour accompanied by sheer idiocy. The only redeeming quality, yet again, is competent cinematography. Seriously, cinematographers are bringing it, but the storytellers are failing miserably.

The running time is just over 90 minutes, yet, this feels like an eternity. By the time the "twist" ending came around I was ready to fight someone. All that happens is there is a group of tools who go on a vacation, or whatever, to a haunted island. There is a subplot with the biggest friend zoned guy of all time tagging along, and he can see ghosts or something. Honestly, this has little significance to the plot despite a buildup. At the island, the characters are attacked by ghosts...but there is a demon coming...and I have no idea. A random guy pops up out of nowhere who is allegedly responsible for making the island haunted in the first place. He uses magic candles and string to keep the ghosts at bay, because why not? Eventually everyone dies in the dumbest ways imaginable. Believe me, the film drags out these deaths. Finishing the film becomes a chore since the only things going on between deaths are cheap, stock sound effects, bad CGI, and those zany antics I mentioned. There is an attempt to add a few twists, but they're dumb and pointless. Speaking of which, the revelation at the end is painfully moronic and defeats the purpose of even watching the last 30 minutes. There isn't much else to add or I will end up ranting and raving.

What a mess. I was actually going to rate this trash a tad higher until the ending rolled around. Yeaaah, that was an automatic .5 off the rating. What a sweet way to say fuck you to the audience. And yet this ending was still predictable. Go figure. If it weren't for the cinematography and a few decent-looking ghosts, this would have easily been 3/10 territory. My goodness. Usually Thai horror is consistently good across the board. Not sure what happened here. And that friend zone, this dude is still "best friends" even in death! Pitiful. Definitely avoid this film like you would a haunted island full of 1997, instant messenger soundbites and cardboard characters.

Notable Moment: When the group decides to say "fuck it" to their trapped friend and parties for the rest of the night. What...

Final Rating: 4/10

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