Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: A whiny, narcissist bitch is given seven wishes that are only granted at the cost of a life.
Review: As I've stated on multiple occasions, I love me some wish-granting stories, however, "Wish Upon" ranks right up there with "Kazaam" in stupidity. If you take every be-careful-what-you-wish-for plot line ever conceived and throw in some blatant ripping off from "Feng Shui" then you have this waste of time. Hell, if I asked you to just guess what a teenage girl would wish for nowaday you would probably guess half this film's story. Yes, it's that cookie-cutter. Except, actually, it's worse than you'd imagine, because the protagonist, Clare, is soooo fucking unlikable and insufferable to withstand. Rarely have we ever had a lead in a wish-granting story this selfish and ungrateful; she possesses more of the traits of a villain really. How many people would continue making wishes even as they know it's killing their best friends and family?! AND this jackass couldn't figure out people were dying until like, what, the fifth wish?! Our heroine, ladies and gentlemen...
Obviously the film fails to create a compelling lead, but is that reason enough to hate the film? No, but everything else is painful as well. As mentioned, this is a by-the-numbers genie-esque tale. You will not be thrown a curve ball or anything worthwhile. While "Feng Shui" had a ghost lurking in the background, and more interesting concepts in general, "Wish Upon" doesn't capitalize on its own premise. Likewise, the rules of the "music box" are flimsy. Someone can steal it and you lose all your wishes...sorta...as long as it moves the plot forward. There is no consistency to say the least. Clare can wish for everyone to love her, but her friends don't change their feelings and think she's becoming a bitch? How? Clare wishes for some dude to fall madly in love with her, but he bides his time for, what seems like, months? The pacing of these events are utter shit, and I already brought up how Clare doesn't notice anyone dying somehow. Plus, how does wishing back her dead mom not alter the very fabric of reality? Oh, no, everything is exactly the same except the mom is magically there. Right. And the mom caused everything or something...? I don't know or care. The movie ends with Clare shockingly going back to the start to undo all the events of the film. Wowwee...I never saw that one coming. Wish upon my ass.
All things considered, this movie is garbage. I do find stories like this intriguing, however, "Wish Upon" does not deliver even the most rudimentary concepts of entertainment. Oh, sure, there are a few glimmers of hope like with the Ryan character (argh) discussing the multiverse and the notion that the film could include that plot thread. Spoiler...it doesn't! Or there could have been a richer backstory on the Chinese lady that originally had the music box but nope. Ultimately, what kills the film as a whole is how annoying Clare is. She makes all the wrong decisions and is a complete idiot. You cheer for her death and it takes so long to deliver on that predictable outcome. If you want to throw away 90 minutes of your life, knock yourself out. Otherwise, I hope you have a magical music box that can send you back in time before you watch this pitiful movie.
Notable Moment: When Clare gets ran over at the end. So stupid, yet, strangely, satisfying to see that bitch fly.
Final Rating: 4/10
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