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Wednesday, October 20, 2021

Double Feature: The Legend and Curse of Halloween Jack Review


Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: Zany antics ensue after a guy is falsely executed for murders he didn't commit and then returns from the grave for revenge.

Review: Oh dear. I was going to cover these two movies separately, but they're both waaaay too shitty to deserve that treatment. I might as well knock out the positives right now since they're practically nonexistent. The Jack character looks kinda cool, and it was funny that one character was dressed as Waldo. And that's it, ladies and gentleman; that's all I can say positive. Yippee. As for the numerous faults...where do I even begin? First and foremost, you will notice the horrendous audio and sound effects! Someone dies and it sounds like putting a toothpick in a grape. The acting is shit, the special effects are weak and outright laughable at times, and the story is reminiscent of something my friend's little brother would write when he was 12 (I haven't had to bring that kid up in years!). The entire experience is painful to say the least. As you may have guessed, I was falling asleep, zoning out, and putting on something else every 5 minutes as I slogged my way through the two films. They are mercifully short run times, but that doesn't make it any less excruciating to the senses.

The Legend of Halloween Jack: Some random teens(?) are killed and Jack is blamed for their deaths. He didn't do it, but everyone is so convinced he's the killer because...I don't know. Well, he's not the killer and returns on Halloween for revenge. Jack is supposed to be focused on specific people in these two movies yet always finds a way to veer off course and kill whoever is around. So is he supposed to be a sympathetic villain or should we root for the people that killed him? Or just hate everyone in the cast and crew as a whole?! I chose that last option. I get that these were low-budget productions, but every single scene is presented with the lowest quality imaginable. I've covered low-budget done right, and this is the other end of that spectrum. Ugh. By the end they blow up Jack or whatever which completes his mission of revenge anyway. They try to end on a "Carrie" ripoff zinger which actually did get me laughing.

The Curse of Halloween Jack: It's two years later and the dumbest cult in the history of humanity intends to revive Halloween Jack...or did they? They don't seem to know who he is, nor mention him, and the events come off as incidental. Oh well. Now Jack is back to find his long lost daughter. Oh goodness gracious. I love how they introduce this one-eyed Willy guy, or whoever he was, to give us a ton of exposition and to serve as a fake tough guy. The same technical flaws exist between both movies so if you tortured yourself with part 1 then you essentially experienced part 2 as well. At the end they blow up Jack again after stabbing him with a magic dagger. Yes, it's as retarded as you'd imagine.

I'd love to say one of these movies was better than the other, but they're both consistently shitacular. Watching these horrific films was not fun. Are they anywhere near the worst movies I've covered? No, of course not; I mean, have you seen the movies I've reviewed over the years?! BUT these two are pretty damn insufferable in their own right. If you're looking for a sleep aid this Halloween, for whatever reason, this will certainly help in that regard. Otherwise, avoid this trash like the plague since they're not even in the so-bad-it's-good category.

Notable Moment: There are countless stupid moments, however, the worst has to be during part 1 when Jack kills the partygoers. The camera is at the angle of the legs of the characters, and this was meant to showcase a panic of running from Jack. But, because there are literally like 6 extras for the scene, it looks like something out of "Scooby-Doo" with everyone spinning in fucking circles like morons. This scene perfectly demonstrates the sheer incompetence during these productions.

Final Rating: 3/10 (for both)

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