The ABCs of Death Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: An anthology film comprised of 26 short tales from directors around the world with each tale represented by a letter of the english alphabet.

Review: If I could sum this film up in a single word it would be "ambitious." Unfortunately, too many stories are stupid which prevents this movie from going into legendary status; although, I'm sure this is a cult-classic in the making. I suppose there is only one way to do proper justice to this review, but should I really run down all 26 segments?! Sure, why not!

A-I have to give some credit to this bad boy because it uses one of my favorite concepts: the apocalypse! Some wife is trying to kill her undying husband while you can hear chaos outside the window. She implies that she's been trying to kill him for awhile so he wouldn't have to be there for the end. I liked the approach and was a nice way to start things off.

B-This one was just meh as some guy is trying to get his little cousin to sleep so he can bang, what I presume is, his girlfriend. The two tell the little girl a story about the abominable snowman wreaking havoc in Mexico which happens to coincide with some crazed killer coming to the house.

C-This made little sense as a guy sees some kind of portal in his backyard which warps time and space. Now while I might typically appreciate this, "C" can't represent "cycle" if we are shown the cycle ending, now can it?

D-This one was the first of the many weird ones to come. Some guy is in an orchestrated boxing-like fight against a dog which felt extremely bizarre. In the end, the man realizes the dog is his own pet and the two turn against the people running the fight.

E-This one annoyed me because it showed very little creativity since it was essentially just the telling of a timeless urban legend. Some spider lays eggs in the ear of a guy and they hatch. That's pretty much it.

F-At first I was like, "Oh yay, Japanese schoolgirl" and then she farted and I'm like, "oh god why?" This is just unusual to say the least. Some volcano explodes, the girl and her teacher flee to an observatory of some sort where she said she wants to be killed by the fart of her teacher. I suppose to each their own?

G-Some surfer has strapped on a backpack full of bricks and, I assume, commits suicide. I guess there's supposed to be a deeper meaning in there somewhere but whatever.

H-This one is for all the "furries" out there. It's a '40s b-movie-esque approach except uses dog costumes to tell the tale of a WWII pilot fighting some nazi stripper. Another weird one.

I-This one had some potential as it was apparently a man tying his wife to the bathtub and injecting her with drano or something like that. However, a lot is left unanswered as to why the guy was doing this and why he seemed to want to get away from her.

J-I have no idea what the hell was going on here. It appeared as though a samurai was committing seppuku (ritualized suicide) yet there was some other guy trying to execute him. Although there is a weird comedic staring contest of sort between the two men which I have no clue as what it is all supposed to mean!

K-This is the first of the animated entries and not exactly a good way to start things off. Some girl takes a shit and it seems to be tormenting her (go figure, right?). Apparently the shit just wants to go back up her ass which it does and kills her.

L-This one is completely fucked up! Random men are strapped to chairs for the entertainment of weird, masked individuals as they must compete in a masturbation competition whereby the loser is executed. To help provide "material" for the men, various people are brought in front of them to perform. At first it is naked girls but slowly becomes more and more grotesque with the likes of an amputee also masturbating with her own prosthesis and a little boy being raped by some fat dude. After finally losing, the champ of many rounds finds himself now the unwitting performer for a new group as he is raped by a woman with a chainsaw! Truly disturbing, but, you know, it wouldn't even shock me to learn weird shit like this goes on in reality.

M-This is probably the worst of the bunch since it is beyond short and simply involves a girl trying to flush a toilet while it is full of blood. Then we see the title "M is for Miscarriage" and we are supposed to pull it together. It is just stupid, short, and cheap. I expected so much more from this director.

N-This one was funny, but I wanted so much more from the acclaimed director of my favorite horror movie, "Shutter." A man buys his girlfriend a parrot and arranges for it to propose to her as he hands her the ring. Unfortunately for the man, the parrot begins to repeat the conversation he had with his "other" girlfriend. Needless to say, the girlfriend is not happy.

O-While this made virtually no sense and there's not much of a story, the visuals are quite impressive. A woman is receiving oral sex and we are shown various images that I suppose we could assume went through her head as she orgasmed? Felt a lot like "Requiem for a Dream."

P-This is another one of the more disturbing tales as we see the life of a prostitute and what she goes through to earn money to take care of her kids and make them happy. It's actually quite sad, but she eventually gets hired to dress sexy and kill baby animals while being filmed so I have little remorse for her pathetic life. I do appreciate the critique of the human condition on what people are willing to do to get by however.

Q-I really liked this one since it was not only funny, but sort of broke the 4th wall as the directors are playing themselves and discussing what they should do for their entry in "The ABCs of Death." I was laughing at the joke that they must be hated since they were given "Q." The two decide they will perform a real kill but wimp out and decide to kill a duck since it's "Q." While trying to gain the courage to shoot the duck, they accidently shoot each other. Short, sweet, and entertaining.

R-Once again I am perplexed by a story that seems to have no point yet I'm sure is supposed to have some elaborate "artsy" meaning I'm allegedly too stupid to understand. Some guy, who looks like a burn victim, is chained up at a hospital and doctors keep removing slabs of flesh that contain film within them. Eventually the man breaks free, kills everyone, ends up at a train yard, somehow has the strength to move a train, falls down dead, and then the sky rains blood. Uh okay...well at least the nurse was hot.

S-This is one of the best ones with some hot chicks fleeing from some demonic-looking man. We jump in as if it's in the middle of the action as the two try to escape from the guy but he is too fast. The man tells the one woman to come with him, and we cut to some crackhouse with the girls passed out on drugs as the one girl is dying from an overdose. I know this is the whole "it's all a dream" plot twist, but I liked the spin on that and it could have been an awesome reveal coming from a full length movie. I wouldn't mind seeing those girls again!

T-Done in claymation, this story focused on a little boy who was afraid to use the toilet because he imagined it turning into a monster and eating him and his family. I have to say, the toilet monster was cool and the deaths were incredibly gruesome...if only it would have been live-action! In the end, the dad keeps making fun of the kid and eventually the boy really does die from a shelf falling on his head. If you have a sick sense of humor you should appreciate this one.

U-While not exactly thrilling, I loved the creativity in the presentation of the tale in general. We are seen a first-person perspective of a vampire running around the woods trying to get away from his pursuers as they eventually get him down and kill him. So rarely are we given the chance to see through the eyes of the villains that it was refreshing. I'd love to see it further fleshed out with maybe more time or more of a budget and it could be great.

V-Now this is my favorite and probably the only one I could say should have been a full-length film. Set in a near future, a sexy female police officer and her robotic companion get the drop on a group of armed criminals and have a shoot out. We are shown flashbacks that reveal the freedom to give birth has been revoked and is now a crime without approval. These "criminals" were harboring a child and when hesitating to execute the child, because the cop had been approved to have a child but discovered she was infertile, they use telepathic powers to control her. The robot then goes berserk and kills the parents and rips the babies head off! As the cop comes to her senses, her superior and crew arrive and reveals that all the criminals were psychics and that they intend to collect their DNA for study. One of the police officers says they will reanimate the baby to properly harvest its DNA which causes the female cop to threaten to kill the superior, but he shoots her first. Then the baby comes back to life and starts to kill the police because apparently it's some prophesied  psychic savior. The film ends with the baby using his powers to kill the superior with the woman left as its mother. I really loved everything about this as this is how you properly present an anthology tale. Fantastic story, decent special effects, a lot of creativity, hot main chick, and all around awesomeness make this the best of the bunch!

W-If you're wondering what the "W" stands for, it shouldn't take you more than a minute to realize it stands for "WTF" or what the fuck! Although they are ripping off "Q" (or did "Q" rip them off?), this one also involves directors confused as to what they should do for their part in the movie. They throw around a lot of ideas and it was funny how it was presented. Eventually all their weird ideas combine and become reality which kind of has to be seen to be understood. But the highlight for me was of course the hot nurse and the hot warrior girl! It's cheesy as hell and may come off as retarded, but it worked for me.

X-This is another one I liked for its social commentary. We see a fat chick and daily life she lives with people tormenting her. All the while, the girl keeps seeing this woman in a bikini in commercials sort of antagonizing her. This bikini girl, played by Yasmine Meddour, is a drop-dead gorgeous goddess! If only I could find a photo of her online I would include it, but what few photos came up did not look like her; she was definitely the highlight of the film for me besides the "V" segment. Getting back on track, the girl then goes home and, in a fit of rage, cuts off all her skin so she will be skinny. She then obviously dies, but the meaning was easy to see even if exaggerated. A tough look at how influential what other people think can affect the thoughts of an individual especially when it comes to superficial expectations of women. Then again, I don't help anything by pointing out every hot chick now do I?!

Y-First off, I absolutely love the effective use of '80s music, lighting, and film quality in this entry even if it deters from how disturbing the story being told is. We see a shot of a school's mascot, which is a deer's head, and then a flashback to some sick pedophile helping some kid shoot a deer with an arrow before he rapes him. Slowly we see the pedophile eyeing more boys to, presumably, molest as he engages in a disgusting act I will discuss at the end. Finally, the boy he raped appears and gouges out the man's eyes with the head of the deer and then rips his head off and throws it in a basketball net (3 points!). It's fucked up, to say the least, but I couldn't help but be entertained by the over the top nature of it all accompanied by that wonderful '80s feel.

Z-I'd love to say this film closes out strong, but sadly the final tale is pure nonsense, but I wouldn't expect any less from this director (although I do like some of his work). I wish I could explain what is even occurring here, but I don't know how. There is something about a kind of hot chick with a body-length dick with a sword fighting some other naked chick shooting vegetables from her crotch. Random naked people, stuff about nuclear power, 9/11, the Japan tsunami, lots of rice, and a dude in a wheelchair make up the rest of the shenanigans. Like "R" I'm sure there's some supposed "meaning" I don't understand, but, once again, whatever. I might have forgiven it's sheer nonsensical presentation if it weren't the last tale, but since it is, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

Overall, I need to give the directors some credit because there was definitely some creativity here even if many segments failed at the execution. This film definitely deserves some praise for its memorability as well. I've run down all the stories for you, so I will leave it up to you to decide if it seems to be worth your time. I did like the film because I appreciate the huge undertaking and what the creators were aiming for so I do recommend it. I really would love to see "V" properly realized, and I definitely want to see more of Ms. Meddour!

Notable Moment: I've seen a lot of fucked up shit in movies, but there was a moment during the "Y" segment that made me wince. This weird pedophile dude laps up ass sweat from some little boy in such a gross way. I'd love to say it was the worst thing I've seen in film, but I'll have to save that for another time (yikes!).

Final Rating: 6.5/10