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Thursday, October 31, 2013

The Bell Witch Haunting (2013) Review


Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: After a family moves into a new home they find themselves haunted by the legendary Bell Witch.

Review: Well what do we have here? Oh, it's yet another "Paranormal Activity" ripoff. I swear, there is virtually no other movie that has been this copied and/or parodied in history! Okay, maybe it's not a complete duplicate, but it follows the formula as cookie-cutter as possible while never doing anything different and failing on almost all technical fronts. It's really pathetic too, because the whole Bell Witch idea could have opened up a lot of possibilities that were never capitalized on. For those unfamiliar with the legend, it has something to do with a poltergeist-like haunting accompanied by rumors of the source being a witch sometime in the early 1800s. But there appears to be little evidence to substantiate the stories which this movie perpetuates these rumors while never quite making sense to boot.

The story pretty much plays out like PA with the one daughter slowly becoming possessed by the witch while various people film random phenomenon but mostly the brother. This wouldn't be entirely bad if it weren't for the fact that we keep seeing a witch running around not looking scary in the least. So she has an apparent physical form but can still possess people? Most of the events don't add up because there are multiple houses residing on the land that the Bell Witch supposedly haunts yet she is fixated on haunting this one particular family for some inexplicable reason. To somewhat compensate for this asinine plotline, we do see random people picked off by the witch here and there but that only creates more problems whereby why is the witch killing random people who spend like 5 minutes in the area while toying with the family for weeks? Plus, what's up with that one idiotic cop that keeps appearing? Did he draw the short straw or something; why is he the only one always finding the dead bodies? Once the witch successfully possesses the daughter, all she does is rampage and kill the family only to then release the girl...so...uhh...what was the point again? If she can kill people while in the physical form we see popping up for cheap, jump scares, then why the need to possess someone simply to kill people?! You know what, why am I even trying to decipher a pathetic ripoff like this? Of course this kind of shit will not make sense because it is made in the most incompetent manner possible. The acting is atrocious with some terrible crying from the daughter that sounds a lot like laughing or orgasming...hard to say which. A lot of the other characters are equally bad, but maybe they were being influenced by the witch? Nah! The special effects are especially bad with the worst sense of direction on how to present them. If you lack the budget to pull off sophisticated effects, please don't do them; at least find ways to mask your flaws or maybe, and I know it's asking a lot, try ingenuity and develop your own tricks to pull off some stunts. They couldn't even get the cliched ghostly voice correct as you suddenly hear some random chick saying shit like, "get out." If you waste your time enough to watch this, you'll see what I'm talking about. Well, at least there were some titties so there's that, right?

Why do I keep watching these horrible movies? They keep tricking me with halfway decent openings suckering me into completing them; to be fair, the beginning did start off promising enough, but I should have known I was in for stupidity when it's supposed be January and people are swimming and wearing summer-esque clothing. The acting, effects, camera work, and story all suck completely with one of the single worst shots I have ever watched when one of the characters is randomly killed. I could easily tear into this film so much more and trash it all day, but honestly I'm running out of insults to hurl at these pieces of shit. Other than an intriguing start, there is absolutely nothing positive to say. Needless to say, this movie is a waste of time and definitely under the avoid category.

Notable Moment: When the bed sheet "floats" in the air as if to be scary. Not only is it so painfully obvious that it's being pulled up by wires, but they let this shot linger far too long considering how embarrassingly bad it looks. Don't even roll your eyes during this scene--simply close your eyes and go to sleep.

Final Rating: 3.5/10

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

If you want the real deal about the Bell Witch, and backed by years of serious research you need to go to www.bellwitch.org I read the guys book and its like an encyclopedia and I also went to one of his speaking events. The real story and history is 100 percent different from this cheesy movie

Wotanskrieger said...

Hahaha Villainsrule you are so right! The part u here the girl say get out was as good as the technician scream while being electrocuted. Mugaha.

Anonymous said...

I just watched this terrible movie. All your points are correct and here are a few more to show you that the people who made this movie need a new job. Every time they would show the date. Like January 22th..... 22th? What the hell is that? Also at the end of the movie when they say the mother was never found it shows the daughters last name spelled correctly. Sawyer.. Below that when talking about the mom its Sawywer... Hello?????

villainsrule said...

LMAO good catches! I agree with all the comments thus far...this movie is pure and utter shit. I would LOVE to fully understand how movies like this get funded. They can't possibly make their budgets back, can they?