Hack! Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: A group of college students, on a biology trip, find themselves at the mercy of killers trying to make their own movie.

Review: I think this film was trying to be like "Scream" but more than 10 years too late. At the same time, they went a little too far with the parody aspects in some kind of attempt to rival "Scary Movie." Honestly, they should have played it straight with a more subtle sense of humor. Most of the jokes are horror movie related, as you might guess, but the references felt forced when they could have been spun effectively into the plot. For example, you can't just have one of the killers sitting around dressed up as Sadako/Samara on the off chance a victim will pass by! On the other hand, I did enjoy the numerous nods and nuances that only a well versed film buff will pick up on; I'm sure there were plenty I didn't even know. But the best part of the film is having Danica McKellar, aka Winnie Cooper, as the main character, Emily. Though she wasn't a childhood crush for me, I know she was for many, and she is hot.

The movie starts by killing off Kane Hodder--how many films can boast that fact? We are then introduced to ridiculously cliched characters who will be the fodder. It's supposed to be college, but these are the kind of flunkies you'd find at the high school level or lower. Supposedly they all have the same biology class or whatever but the odds these people would cross paths are slim. Actually, all of these actors are noticeably too old to be playing kids taking intro college courses. Emily is supposed to be a geeky film major with a crush on her pretty-boy classmate. Oh man, a dorky-cute film fanatic? Where do I find a girl like that?! In case you couldn't tell within the first five seconds of seeing her, Emily, of course, is one of the killers. Considering you learn very early on that she was in charge of deciding who goes on this little trip they take, that should have been the huge ass giveaway.

The group of misfits go to some island to study animals, or whatever, and they are sheltered by a weird couple. I mean, these two pretty much scream, hi, we are the killers. Their scheme is a bit convoluted, but they are trying to make their own movie out of killing people. It's been done before and made more practical sense in other movies. As you will learn, Emily is the niece of this strange couple and assists them at various opportunities. They try to incorporate the themes of other horror films with each murder, but it doesn't always make sense. The fodder characters are idiotic and unlikable so I wanted the killers to succeed, but, alas, they fail (to a degree). The husband of the weird couple decides to randomly kill his wife out of the blue for no apparent reason; it was all for the art or some bullshit like that. There were just a ton of nonsensical choices along the way. Most characters and situations are contrived to hell and back which was making things frustrating. I wanted Emily and her lover-boy to get together too but that didn't work out. By the end, all the killers are dead as one cop shows up to seemingly rescue to survivors. In the final shot, it is revealed that this cop was actually the fourth killer in this scheme; a keen observer could have picked up on that early on. Still...four killers, really? That's pushing it.

I get that the makers were approaching this film from the perspective of a fan, but they did not achieve the vision I believe they had. It's fun to see little references to "The Karate Kid" when the main killer was from part 3, or a ship called the "Orca," but these kind of things weren't enough to save the film as a whole. Even the notion of the killers trying to make their own movie could have been presented infinitely better with a proper explanation of how 4 people come together on such an outlandish scheme. The flunkies intended to represent horror cliches was a nice way to cover up their existence, but it doesn't make their Jar-Jar tendencies any less insufferable. Overall, this was an amusing effort, I liked the Emily character, and the love for film is to be commended. However, the film is too shallow, predictable, and cliched to really warrant anything more than a view from hardcore horror fans. This is an easy pass for casual fans especially with its made-for-TV look with the minor exception of some titties (no, not from Ms. McKellar!).

Notable Moment: When Emily is dressed up like Sadako/Samara. What can I say, I'm a sucker for references to "The Ring."

Final Rating: 5.5/10

Ms. McKellar killing it with that dorky-cute look.