Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: An anthology film of six, increasingly, moronic tales.
Review: Umm...what the fuck is this shit?! This is easily one of, if not, the worst anthology I've ever had the displeasure to see; this is right up there with "The Haunted Dollhouse." Uhh...they do realize when you tell a story it's supposed to make some semblance of sense, right? I couldn't tell you what the hell was even happening in half the entries--it was as if they simply strung together a series of images and hoped for the best. We've got shitty acting, laughable effects, terrible camerawork, and the most horrendous editing imaginable. I am not joking nor exaggerating, I have seriously watched waaaay better student films from complete amateurs. I would be embarrassed to have my name attached to this film that's for fucking sure!
Wraparound: There is something about a demon or the devil or whatever he is supposed to be. For whatever reason, this demon comes into a church and is like, "I'm stealing your janitor," and then tortures the guy by showing him the demise of six souls. I don't know what the point to any of this was, but they imply it's a ritual and the end of the world and every other cliche. By the end, the demon comes back for the priest at this church in a pathetic fashion. The worst part about this was the cornball as fuck CGI dust. Who does this?! The demon delivers his lines in the most over the top way that you will probably find yourself laughing often. For me, watching this film was as close to hell as I want to get.
The Book: If you think things will get better from tale to tale, better quash those ideas fast. In this segment, a chickadee is trying to get her book published by a loser. Beyond that, it's hard to decipher what is happening. There's something about the publisher killing his wife then he's married or dating that chickadee for nine years. Then the chickadee can't remember anything because of a car accident and thinks the publisher is screwing with her. To round this crapfest out, we see a zombie version of the first wife stabbing the publisher and killing the chickadee. Ugh. This should have been the point where you scrapped the entire movie or at least canned the editor. Your guess is as good as mine as to what was allegedly going on here. To say this entry is nonsensically stupid would be a huge understatement.
Bryan's Daughter: Well, on to the worst tale in the bunch. Some dude, named Bryan apparently, dies somehow...I don't know or care. The hag of a wife notices one of her daughters appears to be talking to the ghost of Bryan. I guess he wants her to kill herself so they can be together, and the daughter says as much toward the end. And that's it. Wow...it's as if you're going out of your way to make these segments as fucking retarded as possible.
The Hike: In a way, this may be the best entry; that's definitely NOT saying anything. A dork is roaming around the countryside when he comes across the English equivalent of rednecks I suppose. They keep cutting to the dork, seemingly, dropping acid into his tea or something as he's tripping out. Eventually the rednecks are chasing the dork around until they make such a surprising revelation. The dork killed himself, and now he's in some kind of afterlife. "WELCOME TO HELL!!!" was a line delivered so poorly I laughed uncontrollably for about three minutes straight. Yes, welcome to hell, indeed.
Paralysis: After a dumbass girl talks to a psychiatrist or doctor, who claims to have never heard of sleep paralysis, the girl talks to her friend who explains the situation to the dumbass. The dumbass wakes up each night unable to move and fears there is a presence bothering her. Oh noooo! The boyfriend doesn't give a shit since he's not getting enough nookie. Blah blah blah the dumbass gets killed one night. Whatever, dude.
Naked: It would seem every anthology feels the need to include a super pretentious entry to get a little indie cred, but, with this movie, it is simply hilarious that they bothered to try. A zombie-looking girl has dreams about being naked, and her doctor acts as though this isn't one of the most common dreams ever reported. Oh shit, did you also dream you were falling?! Once again, blah blah blah, the zombie girl discovers she really is dead after her douchebag boyfriend said "It's fucking over!" I thought his reason for dumping her was due to her pathetic dance skills, but he was cheating on her. It turns out the doctor can see ghosts and just gets off on making them realize they're dead. HA! That's actually pretty damn fucked up. Then the segment ends with the zombie girl killing her dumb boyfriend I guess.
Diary of Disturbance: Okay, let's close this out strong. Wait, scratch that, let's end this as idiotically as possible. Some dude and his family are about to be evicted from their farm, but then there's something about making a deal with the wraparound demon to save his daughter. Then there's something about the daughter being evil and cows and fake 16 mm film and sheer nonsense. Dude, I do not care anymore. You know the drill, nothing makes any sense mostly due to the editing. And that is mercifully the last entry.
You know what, fuck this movie. This is pure shit through and through. There are absolutely no redeeming qualities outside of laughing at how stupid everything was. Every technical front was a total failure. The production quality is unbelievably low yet they clearly did not realize their limitations; I mean, fuck innovation, right? Every scene is painful to behold. I literally fell asleep at one point. And the movie ended with a sequel bait line?! HA! Pshhhh, that's wonderful. Needless to say, avoid this like the plague. Maybe I should stop watching films on a whim...
Notable Moment: That "welcome to hell" line of course. It was extremely difficult to pick the dumbest moment however.
Final Rating: 2.5/10
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