Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: At a haunted house attraction, a spell book transforms the actors into whatever costume they're wearing.
Review: Awww, this movie actually had deleted scenes. That's cute. How to describe this film--it's like they combined the, appropriately titled, Halloween episode of Buffy with "Bible Black." While that episode of Buffy wasn't the first to have people turning into the costume they're wearing, they did do it the best. As for "Bible Black," fair warning, that's an erotic horror series that dropped the horror and focused on the sex the longer the series continued; not the greatest decision either. Anyway, this film is on the same cornball level of the others I've reviewed, but it did have a certain, lame charm to it. Maybe I'm being too generous with a few of these movies, but I continue to find myself strangely entertained nonetheless.
Although the story did have a script-in-a-blender feeling, it (mostly) had a logical flow to the events; also, it should take minimal effort to spot the Buffy and "Bible Black" parallels. After a coven magically gets killed when using a spell book, that book finds its way into the hands of idiots who run a present-day haunted house attraction. This feat is accomplished through shenanigans and incorporating a goofball named Pumpkin Jack who looks like Santa. The movie tries to play up the drama between the characters which can be super annoying. I mean, you've got a cowardly bitch for the main character, his not-suspicious-at-all girlfriend, lesbian angst duo, token Asian girl with token horny boyfriend, wannabe comedy relief dork, and the most over the top asshole imaginable, named Dan...just for starters. Dan will either be the funniest guy you've ever seen or the most insufferable character since Jar Jar. I think the movie spends a good 30-40 minutes establishing these imbeciles, which was unnecessary, but it's surprisingly amusing to see the banter. At the same time, we are presented with a mystery as we see one of the characters lurking about trying to use the spell book. But who could it be?!
You know, was it even Halloween in this movie? They mention the days left until Halloween and then an undetermined amount of time passes. Don't care...it was Halloween in my eyes! The haunted house they set up is on the flimsy side, but I liked the main bitch's presentation of the tour. Oddly enough, his acting during this segment is better than his performance in the real film. Unbeknownst to everyone, the mystery character has performed a spell amidst their haunted house that transforms everyone into the costume they're wearing. Don't expect anything cool though--it's just bullshit like a vampire, zombie, pirate, etc. Most of the effects in this film are cheap as fuck, but I found them charming in their amateurish presentation; they gave it their best, and I'll cut them a little slack. At this point, I think the creators forgot how annoying Dan was shaping up to be, and he does not receive a fitting enough fate deserving of someone his caliber. Oh well. Eventually everyone is killed or transformed but the main bitch boy and his ex-girlfriend who is both Dan's girlfriend and one of the lesbians--yeah, don't ask.
Then we get the startling revelation that the one using the spell book is the bitch boy's girlfriend. If you don't see this coming, you may want to give up on horror films. I know, I know, I wanted the shady character to be the token Asian girl too, but we rarely get what we want! Her motive is that she is the ancestor to the last owner of the spell book, and because she wants to rule the world. Whaaaaat? Well, that came out of nowhere--I didn't realize the fate of the world now hung in the balance. Maybe this kind of bullshit is why I enjoyed this movie more than I should have. So the girlfriend wants the bitch boy to kill Dan in order for the two to rule the universe as father and son, or something like that, but he refuses. Everything is magically screwed up by the other lesbian who breaks free of her zombie costume control and kills Dan. This makes all the minions turn on bitch boy's girlfriend while simultaneously breaking the spell...which makes everyone go back to normal...but they're dead anyway...hell if I know! Bitch boy's girlfriend is shown still alive later, but Pumpkin Jack shows up to retrieve the spell book and acts like he's badass; he claims he's been giving the book to losers for centuries. All jokes aside, that was a cool twist and Pumpkin Jack's laugh was effectively creepy in that child molester kind of way. The film ends with bitch boy's ex-girlfriend having the spell book and contemplating whether to resurrect her lesbian lover. Can't wait for the sequel...coming never.
What can I say, this movie is shit, but it's kind of amusing shit. Sure, the acting is pathetic, the special effects are pitiful, the sets look borrowed, the plot is unoriginal, the characters are annoying, and it has an overall sense of incompetence to the production. What the film lacks in quality it makes up for with raw, zany antics. Come on, you have to appreciate a movie that takes its most annoying character and has the cojones to use one line of their dialogue to make an entire song! There's a fine line between genius and idiot, and I'm not sure which side of the line this film falls on.
Notable Moment: Although I did love Dan chewing up the scenery, I think I'm gonna go with the scene when the Asian girl and her boyfriend bang. HOLD ON--hear me out on this! It's not even what you think. In the background of those two screwing, crawling on a wall, is a really cool Regan dummy with the head spun around. That's honestly the scariest thing shown in any of these Halloween movies I've covered thus far.
Final Rating: 4.5/10
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