Idle Hands (1999) Review

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!

Plot Summary: Unbeknownst to a dumbass stoner, his hand has been possessed and is murdering people in town in order to perform a satanic ritual.

Review: I may be stretching things a bit to call this a Halloween horror movie, but it fits most of my criteria. While the film is more comedy than horror, the kills are decent and the look fits your typical '90s horror style. As for the Halloween aspect--ehh--it is downplayed and used as a contrivance to explain away why no one would notice the shenanigans occurring in the story. With that cleared up, this film is mostly on the meh side. It's certainly better than all the other Halloween films I've covered so far (except "Trick or Treat"), but it's not as fun or charming as the rest. I think I'm bothered by the 1999 date of the film the most. There was just this nihilistic vibe to the late '90s, in general, that films like "Fight Club" highlighted brilliantly. Ironically, "Idle Hands" demonstrates the kind of characters Tyler Durden (and me) would want to punch. On top of that, the jokes are extremely dated to the point that people who lived the decade would forget half the references. BUT...this movie did star the barely legal (I so rarely get a chance to type that phrase) Jessica Alba looking hot as hell. That has to count for something.

Aside from zany hijinks, the story is mostly simplistic in presentation. You have the main character, Anton, played by Devon Sawa, who is living the stoner dream of doing nothing all day but getting high, eating, and watching cartoons. Speaking of Mr. Sawa, I hate Hollywood heartthrob types, but I can forgive him for doing "Final Destination." Anyway, after a string of murders, including that of his own parents, Anton realizes he is, in fact, the murderer, but he doesn't remember these actions for whatever reason; the real culprit is his demonically possessed hand. We are never told what exactly is the reasoning behind this hand possession shit. The only thing we know is that the demon or devil possesses the laziest person it can find and kills enough people until it can take an innocent soul to hell with it. I don't know if this is meant to coincide with Halloween or that's just a coincidence. Most of this back story comes from Vivica Fox's character who is apparently a demon hunter from a druid legacy. By the way, is it weird that I preferred Ms. Fox in the nun outfit? Don't judge me!

Upon realizing the horrible truth, Anton accidentally kills his two, equally stoner, best friends who magically return as zombies for no discernible reason. Since we needed more shenanigans, Anton's hand inadvertently allows him to finally approach his crush, Molly, who is Ms. Alba's character. Predictably, instead of Molly being disturbed by Anton's hand trying to kill her, she is turned on by this. Look, I can accept that someone like Jessica Alba would just happen to be a regular girl next door, but I can't accept her falling head over heels for a stoner dork, covered in blood, that tries to strangle her. It's comedy though--get it?! After one make-out session, the two are seemingly a couple as they plan to go to a Halloween dance. The only problem is that Anton can't take the hand any longer and ends up cutting it off with the help of his undead friends.

Cutting off the hand proves to be a big mistake as now it is free to move about and kill more idiots. The hand has chosen Molly as the innocent soul that it wants to take to hell as it goes to the Halloween dance to find her. More antics ensue as Anton, his zombie friends, a neighbor, and Ms. Fox all head to the dance to stop the demon or whatever the hell the hand is. At said dance, the hand kills a few more people as it seeks out Molly--somehow managing to tie her up and prepare to crush her to death. Anton's stoner friends get the hand high (oh for fuck's sake) and that gives them the opportunity to save Molly. Then Ms. Fox uses a magic dagger to kill the hand anticlimactically which is even addressed in the film; this isn't funny but to each their own I suppose. At the end, the stoner friends go to heaven, then return as Anton's guardian angels who fuck with Anton by making him think the hand is under his hospital bed. It would have actually been better if the hand really were under the bed.

Considering the sheer, underwhelming nature to this film, I'm really surprised it has such a high rating on imdb. It's not that this is a bad film per se, but it doesn't quite hold up. The gags are mostly dumb and the jokes being dated hurts the longevity of the film. The stoner mentality definitely translates into the overall lazy presentation of the film in general. On the other hand, there were a few entertaining and funny moments; I especially liked the scenes involving Anton and his doggy which sort of felt like Shaggy and Scooby. I can't ignore the galore of Jessica Alba fanservice as well as that addition of Vivica Fox...although she needed a bigger presence in the film. Let's just say that this is a love it or hate it kind of situation and call it a night.

Notable Moment: When Anton is hiding under his blankets with his little doggy. The "Scooby Doo" nature of this scene did make me smile.

Final Rating: 5/10

Ms. Alba, the ultimate girl next door!