Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: The same exact plot as the original except make the kid a girl instead of a boy and the dad a divorced redneck instead of a suburban workaholic.
Review: I know, let's take one of the most hated Christmas movies of all time and give it a sequel nearly 20 years later! Why...oh god, WHY?! No, this can't be real, can it? This is the kind of situation where you think you're dreaming and have to do a triple-take. I can't even be mad--this shit is just funny, and I can't stop laughing. This is soooo fucking stupid. Like...was this film's creation someone's dying wish or something? Okay, I'm going to go out on a limb here--so stop me if this sounds too crazy--but what if the makers honestly knew the movie's sheer existence would be so unbelievably idiotic, that the curiosity alone would potentially sell DVDs? I know it worked for me. It's like Pandora's box--I had to know what's inside!
As you may easily guess, the story has absolutely nothing to do with the first film nor acknowledges it in any shape or form. However, the core concept of the plot remains the same with a dad trying to get the hottest toy too late and going all over town with zany antics ensuing. Yeah, because that was hilarious the first time around. While I defend the first film, mostly due to its subtle satire of '90s culture and mindless consumerism, I can't ignore that it was blatantly retarded in most regards. Unfortunately, this film did not understand that brand of satire and appeals directly toward the infantile humor that the present society would be entertained by. This means the jokes manage to be even more juvenile and moronic than the first film's already pathetic sense of humor. How is that possible? Plus, you have that snowball phenomenon I've discussed before whereby each terrible scene tries to out-due the previous one in a race to the bottom.
The original presented the notion of Arnie, a workaholic, trying desperately to prove his love for his son by getting him the toy he wants most. By the end, he realizes that all the son really wanted was for Arnie to spend more time with him. This film, on the other hand, decided to make the father divorced and competing with the stepdad for the favoritism of the daughter. The conflict is that the father is a redneck living in a trailer while the stepdad is the CEO of his own company. The rare toy in question this time is a talking teddy bear except the two dumbass dads fail to realize the girl didn't really want the toy, because they misinterpreted her letter to Santa. By the end, after a seemingly endless barrage of eye-roll inducing scenes, the two dads become friends and the little girl gets the happy family she wants. Oh shut the fuck up. The real moral of the story is don't get married and avoid this disaster altogether.
What can I say, really? The film sort of speaks for itself; it's terrible from start to finish. The jokes are slightly too mature for kids and they admit Santa is not real. At the same time, the plot is too cornball that I can't imagine anyone other than a kid being entertained by it. This means we have a little problem on our hands: the film was designed for no one and rightfully so--it shouldn't exist! If you're a glutton for punishment then I guess put this on as you sit around the fire this Christmas as you will certainly get exactly what you'd expect (and maybe a little more). Perhaps you will find the notion of this film's existence humorous enough to get your through the ordeal.
Notable Moment: The absolute worst moment was when Larry is body slammed by a little person and says he shit himself. Good lord, if that doesn't sum up the feeble-minded demographic they were going for, I don't what else could.
Final Rating: 3/10
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