Now for the honorable mentions. These were the closest to making the list, but there were plenty of possibilities that's for sure. So, yeah, I may get a kick out of "Batman & Robin," but I can't say the same for that piece of shit "Batman Forever." Getting rid of Tim Burton was a huge ass mistake, and the new direction was painful to behold. They also ruined the momentum Batman was amassing and presented a story more childish and campy than the cartoon for kids! Worse, it was successful! The reason it didn't make my cut was because it almost crosses into so bad it's good territory...almost.
Next, "The Godsend." What can I say? It's beyond stupid and the whole film builds up to one of the worst endings ever. The only reason it's not on the list is because it has enough '70s elements for me to forgive the shenanigans and its lame attempts at ripping off "The Omen."
Fucking "Seed of Chucky." What a piece of shit. Like I said before, how do you go from the original "Child's Play" and end up with this monstrosity? It's only off the list because I can somewhat forgive the failed humor. Hey, at least they were trying, right?
Lastly, "Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare," as it was an inexcusable attempt to end the brilliant Nightmare franchise. You had a pathetic skip to the future, disregarding of parts 3-5, retconning the continuity, a laughably bad 3-D gimmick, and a lackluster death for Freddy coupled with it being a complete ripoff of part 1...which didn't even kill Freddy. Yeah...this came VERY close to being on the list. And as someone who saw it when it first came out, being a big Freddy fan, I was furious to say the least. I'm still pissed!
Now, without further ado, my most hated 10 movies!
10. Halloween (remake): Oh god, I'm laughing already and we've only begun. There are seriously only two things good about this fucking disgrace: the high production value and Danielle Harris. And I love Danielle, but that doesn't mean I will go easy on her movies. Hell, if Danielle weren't here, this garbage would plummet down to number 5! Look, you don't fuck with the classics, Rob Zombie, you son of a bitch! Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to Zombie making movies--and I enjoyed "House of a 1000 Corpses" surprisingly--but don't pretend you have love for the franchise and then shit all over it in an attempt to pander to your own fans. The original, and REAL, "Halloween" is a legend, beloved by fans and critics alike, that helped launch a budding genre, the slasher, into the mainstream. This travesty, on the other hand, ruined everything we knew and loved about the characters and story. It was disrespectful and Zombie didn't even care to boot. To Rob Zombie, I say fuck you and fuck this godforsaken, piss poor excuse for a film!
9. Pumpkinhead: Blood Feud: Few franchises have tested my patience as a horror fan as much as this one has. And there are only 4 of them--what does that tell you?! I shudder at the thought of going over the "Witchcraft" franchise. Uuugghh. The funniest part is I can't even remember anything about this anymore; I've blocked out too much. Even part 3 had a few memorable scenes with Pinhead. With that said, what I do remember is hating every waking second of it. Like my review mentioned, it took me 3 days to finish this shit; it was that insufferable! It didn't help that the production value made it look like it was made for TV in 1995. Finally, keep in mind the only reason why the "Halloween" remake is considered "better" than this, and films 8-5, is because of Danielle. Yes, she makes that big of a difference to me!
8. Episode 50: As I said in my review, check out that poster since it's the best thing going on for this movie. Like stupid "Pumpkinhead 4," this is another movie I had to take numerous breaks through. "Grave Encounters" was a surprise hit, and many fools tried to recreate that success; this being the worst wannabe. If you're going to exploit the success of a superior film, at least try to match its quality in some shape or form. The editing is one of the worst of all time, and the story makes no sense whatsoever. This was simply a mess, bland, boring, and a cheaply made ripoff of an already low budget movie. This would have served better as someone's youtube video or something rather than a full-fledged production.
7. Yoga Class: This is, unquestionably, the WORST Asian horror film! How anyone could think this film is good is beyond comprehension. The story is nonsensical, stupid, and full of terrible editing that's trying to rival "Episode 50." And that ending...my word. Somebody needs to get punched. Were they writing the script as they were filming or something? It didn't help that you can't see jack shit during the darker scenes. The only redeeming quality was the 30 seconds or so from that lingerie TV show.
6. The Bell Witch Haunting (2013): Oh no, I'm back to laughing again. My goodness, what a piece of shit. Talk about amateur hour. Like...was this funded by the Make-a-Wish Foundation? Why does this even exist?! The opening really wasn't that bad, but that's just to lull you into a false sense of security. The rug is immediately pulled out from under you when they're having a pool party in January! They do realize this was supposed to be winter, right? From there, everything goes downhill as you suffer through each torturous moment. Pitiful.
5. Jaws in Japan: Okay, had Danielle not been in the "Halloween" remake, this is where it would have been and the others would have been pushed up a notch. Since Zombie did one thing correctly, we get "Jaws in Japan" instead! I know I said "Yoga Class" was the worst Asian horror film, but this doesn't qualify as a horror to me. In fact, it hardly qualifies as a film in general. Like I said before, this is more than likely someone's footage from a vacation that they poorly edited into a feature. More so, that title is so misleading it makes me want to feed the creators to sharks. There is nothing here! There is no action, no story, no acting--NOTHING! It's just (admittedly) cute Japanese girls splashing around for an hour until the worst paper mache-looking, CGI shark jumps out of the water with accompanying ketchup blood. Believe me, if it weren't for the gigantic mammary glands bouncing around in each scene this would have been number 3. And the real icing on the cake...the site I saw this film on had this rated at an 8/10. EIGHT OUT OF TEN?! Rika...help...
4. 616 Paranormal Incident: Again with the cooler poster than the movie itself, eh? This is one of those movies where you can just tell the script was written in crayon. The story makes absolutely no sense when it surprisingly had the potential to be decent. However, they opted instead to fail in literally every facet of film making. Everything, from the acting to the shitty lighting and everything in between, is horrendous to behold. Can't forget the suicide-inducing ending--it is a hallmark of a bad film after all. The only aspect that stopped this from being number 3 were the halfway decent chicks--that's it.
3. The Haunted Dollhouse: This wasn't exactly one of my best reviews as I did not thoroughly explain how horrific this shit was to endure. With that said, I tried my best to stress how unbelievably stupid it was. This isn't even a true anthology film as it advertises. It's as if they edited together the worst home-movies sitting on some production company's shelf. The only odd saving grace was the inclusion of the last third of "Dollman vs. Demonic Toys." Not sure how that fits into this catastrophe but okay. Topping the shitacular nature of this film is going to take something special in the future.
2. Asian School Girls: Exploitation films aren't exactly known for being good, but this shit took things to a new plane of idiocy. Every single second of the running time is pure, unending torture. It's as if the creators set out to make the most insulting film possible to Asians. And it's certainly no secret that I love Asians, but these busted up, tranny-looking skanks frighten me--like, they're what Natre has nightmares about. Making matters even worse was the fetishistic pandering accompanied by making light of serious themes. I mean, really, an upskirt shot when a character is committing suicide after being raped? As I originally stated, this film is just gross. Of course I can't forget the monumental failure in all film making aspects as well. I could have completely forgiven this film's misgivings if the tone was lighthearted, but it takes itself quite seriously for some strange reason.
(Drum roll)
1. Howling VII: What else--it's the worst of the worst. Few words can express how fucking terrible this film is. I don't care what anyone says, this shit is on par with the likes of "Manos: The Hands of Fate," and imdb agrees with me! Besides having every single flaw I've mentioned thus far taken to the extreme, this film has the distinction of using the locals, from the filming location, for the "actors" almost exclusively. Worse, they included the personalities and inside jokes of the townspeople. You might be thinking, "Oh that sounds fun." Yeah...if your idea of fun is being put on a tiger bench (look it up). Now, I'll admit, I do find this film amusing and quote it whenever I get the chance, but that doesn't change the fact that it's the biggest blight to film that was ever conceived. Oh man, the dumb jokes...the predator-vision...the farting...that Halloween mask for the werewolf...fuck. However, this is the one bad movie I will recommend to check out. You know, I need to finally review this godforsaken franchise already.
Arrrggghhh! Too much shit--must get this rotten taste out of my mouth. I know--Rika, would you be a dear and close us out with a little of you being cute and dorky?
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