Disclaimer: Contains spoilers!
Plot Summary: Mutated plants run rampant in the middle of oblivion as imbeciles try to stop them.
Review: My Rika, my Rika, why hast thou forsaken me?! After watching something this dumb it's tough to keep your shit together. I mean, just look at that moronic title. Point seven? Really, was that necessary? It doesn't even matter, because that's only one of like a million alternate titles out there. Disturbingly enough, the main indicator of this film's shitacularness was this gem of an alternate title: "Troll 3." Oh no...OH HELL NO! Anything but that! Yes, this piece of shit was made by the same clowns that created "Troll 2" and was intended to be a third entry. I'm not even joking, I kept thinking this felt similar to the--uhhh--style of "Troll 2" before I looked it up for confirmation. I assure you, that is not the kind of bitch-slap to the face revelation you want to discover. That's like learning the kid isn't yours or your parents were siblings! While following in "Troll 2's" footsteps was no easy task, this film tried extremely hard to outshine it and nearly succeeded. Unfortunately, the level of camp and outright shenanigans are lacking in this movie to make it so bad it's good. There are humorous moments, and I was laughing--a lot--but it is in no way a legend such as "Troll 2." I just can't believe this many shitty movies were commissioned by the same asshole. I cannot fathom the possibility that these films made money unless they truly duped the public during the video rental era. AAAHHH!
The best way to describe the sheer incompetence of this film is to address the escalation factor it introduces. In other words, each scene, no matter how ridiculous or stupid, somehow manages to be outdone by the proceeding scene. It's definitely a sight to behold; not going to lie either, the scenes become increasingly funnier as well. To the film's credit, it is slightly more coherent than "Troll 2," but is that really saying much? There's something about a power plant dumping toxic waste in a forest that magically creates carnivorous plants that don't actually eat anyone; they just choke you to death for whatever reason. Needless to say, the special effects are laughably bad as you keep thinking someone is going to get branch fucked ala "The Evil Dead." The acting is horrendous and feels as though they pooled the local talent once again. Dude, if you thought the line delivery was horrible in "Troll 2" you haven't seen anything yet. I think they were trying to rival "Howling VII's" world class actors. Also like "Howling VII," it appeared they were including subplots related to the townspeople's real lives or something. I mean, was there any other reason why the town whore coming to fight the plants was meant to be important? Then there was the one guy who popped up in the film, maybe an hour in, and was suddenly a main character. Whaaaat? And he is the one that ends up saving the day to boot; go figure. Then there is an inside joke about them thinking he was gay or something only to realize he had a wife...I don't fucking know. There are simply too many weird and bizarre nuances that you kind of have to see to believe. The only problem is that I wouldn't want anyone else to suffer what I've gone through watching this shit. In fact, I could spend the next hour running down all the zany antics and idiotic moments, but I want to keep what's left of my remaining sanity. I'll leave you with this though...the film ends with the killer plants seemingly defeated, but then the one chick is attacked by her Christmas tree in the last scene. That's a good one.
Well, you name it, the film failed in that regard; it seriously failed in every feasible aspect of film making. There's nothing else I can add to that except to say the story still found ways to be boring as hell despite the overwhelming moments of idiocy. There was even a kid who looked like Joshua from "Troll 2" and that was annoying me. Where's your damn bologna sandwich, kid? The only positive things I can say are that the movie possesses endless potential to be hilarious, it was not as insulting as the likes of "Asian School Girls," and the landscape shots of Oblivion, Ohio were decent. Ugghhhh. There are only so many shitty movies a man can take before his brain explodes like in "Scanners!"
Notable Moment: Oh man, making me choose the worst scene is like making me choose between my own (imaginary) children! Ugh...I guess the absolute worst was when that helicopter "crashed." Oh dear lord.
Final Rating: 2.5/10
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