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Monday, September 29, 2014

Ramblings of Ryan Volume 4

Okay, let's head back into my nonsensical babbling for a moment so I can discuss a few non-movie subjects. But first, I want to restate the lame factor of those two horror collections I reviewed. I thought they would be fun, but, instead, the levels of stupidity between the films were off the charts. I mean, really, a "Troll 3" wannabe?! If you could have only beheld the shock on my face as I discovered this fact; it's not every day that you realize one of the worst movies ever had an almost equally bad sequel. I will try and make up for this next month as I scrape the bottom of the barrel for the remaining horror movies that actually take place on Halloween. That should be amusing enough in itself. Speaking of shit, I have to weigh in on the Gal Gadot disaster as Wonder Woman. Yeah, I know, I'm like 5 months behind on this one, but that's how I roll.


You see this...yeah, that's not Wonder Woman. Like others have said, "Who is that girl cosplaying as WW?" She's simply too scrawny in terms of muscle mass and curves. I already know crybabies are mad that WW has too many perfect features, but, come on, she's supposed to look like a Greek goddess and have the powers of multiple gods. This chickadee does not look anything remotely like that! I swear, this movie is going to suck ass at the rate it's going. Must...remain...optimistic. I mean, this is like getting--I don't know--Maggie Q to play Mai Shiranui from "Fatal Fury." Oh fuck...

While on the subject of girl power, and with the hope to never write that phrase again, the new "Sailor Moon" is out finally. As a fan of the original, I am very pleased to say this new version is surprisingly superior. Is that blasphemy? The animation does look weaker, but the story is more concise, interesting, and better paced with less filler; even the monsters of the week have a more meaningful purpose. I'm always skeptical of reboots/remakes, but there was a lot of room to improve over the original. I am really curious as to what direction they will take things since they've already made significant story changes. However, with only two episode airing a month, this is going to take--in the words of Squints--FOR...EV...ER!


An unexpected, yet certainly welcomed, wave of horror games are coming out soon. A few catching my eye are "Until Dawn," "Alien: Isolation," and, "Bloodborne" just to name a few. I know the indie market has been getting a ton of horror games in the last couple years, but I've been craving something beyond a few hours of "Slender Man" wannabes. And with that demo for "Silent Hills" putting the icing on the cake, I am officially stoked. Goddamn, that demo alone is unnerving enough...just please, please don't suck! If you haven't heard of any of these games yet, or are mildly interested, check them out for sure. If you play the "Silent Hills" demo, be prepared to be on edge. And while still on the subject of games...seriously, "Destiny!" Wow, what a letdown. I'm having fun with the game, but, my god, what the hell happened? I won't go into massive detail, as others are already dealing with the problems in depth, but I thought this was going to be the next "Mass Effect." I was very wrong. Did they think we wouldn't notice the game has no story! My fucking god.

Another surprise coming was that Morning Musume is, at long last, doing another concert in the USA; New York City to be more precise. Morning Musume is a J-pop group I've mentioned a bunch of times as the group that Rika was a former member of. I wish I could go, especially since they're performing on my birthday (were the stars aligning for me?), but I won't be anywhere near NYC unfortunately. NOOOO! Oh well, I'd probably feel a bit out of place since the girls are a lot younger than me at this point. When I first discovered MM, the girls were all either my age, a little younger or actually older. Granted, anywhere from 50-75% of MM's fanbase is older men, but still...it's awkward. If Rika were still there, well, that would be a different story! No force on earth would stand in my way. I still love the group and the girls regardless; their songs are always so catchy and fun and the dances are amazing. Here, check out their youtube video promoting the concert. Sakura, one of their best singers in years, tries her hardest to say everything in Engrish, and she did a decent job. The kawaii-factor helps a lot.


Recently, I was sent the same spam email multiple times (idiotically) in the lamest attempt to con me to click a link. I've been getting spam for like 15 years now, but I've never been sent something this ridiculous before. I mean, it's like someone was trying to tell me their life story; I suppose they figured it would appear more authentic? More like pathetic to me. I thought, given the sheer stupidity of it all, I'd share it with the world for a laugh. The funny part is that all they do is change the name of the girl propositioning me each time. Oh, and I left out the link and the number they gave me for obvious reasons.

"BABE... i guess your not getting any of my email huh? ive been
tryign to email u so many times but this dam laptop is such a piece of
garbage and keeps freezing.. anyways how u been? 

In case u dont know who this is its ME Sanadra.. we used to chat a bit on facebook and then
I think u deleted me :( haha.. anyways guess what... I got 2 things to
tell u.. both good news.. 1) im single now.. yup me and my bf broke up
about 3 months ago... and 2) guess where im moving? RIGHT EFFING NEAR
U.. lol... ur actually the only person im gonna know there.. well 3
cousins too but i cant chill with them lol..


I remember when we chatted u told me u thought i was cute and u wanted to chill so now we finally
can HAHA! im kinda scared to move.. im hoping this email addy is still
the one you use and u can chat with me ebfore i get there.. maybe even
help me move my shit in...are u still on facebook? i cudnt find ui was
soo confused...anyways im gonna need someone to show me the town and
take me out so u better be around bebe...


we only chatted a couple times but i remember thinking to myself i wanted to get ot know u
better when i was single..a nd i thoguth u were cute too but cudnt
tell u cause i wasnt single lol...ok so more info about me.. well im
23.. virgo.. love the outdoors and love to socialize, go out for
drinks, restaurants, movies etc.. travel.. i have a lil kitty named
BOO and i luv her to death... uhhh oh im a super horny gurl too but
every gurl is they just wont admit it. so ilove watching p0rn and all
that.. love sex etc blah blah blah...who doesnt..

I really hope we get a chance to chat for a bit either online or on the fone before i get
there enxt week.. i hope u remmeber me and still wanna chill and arent
married yet lol.. OH YA also.. i need to find a job when i get there..

do u have any hookups or know anybody hiring? id LOVE to work in a bar
or osmehting like that...really anythgin cause my current job is fun
and all.. and technically i CUD keep doign it but i want a change.. i
currently work from home and well thats cool but i need ot be out
meeting people.. oh wait. i dont think i ever actually told u what i
did? hmm shud i......???? ok WELLLL... and dont get all weirded out
on me.. i work on a webcam chat community site and i get paid to chat
with people and get naked HHAHA... BOMB right :)? I KNOW.. like i
figure iim horny anyways why not get paid to chat with people and play
with myself heheh...anyways i hope u dont look down on that and NO
THATS NOT WHY IM CONTACTING U RELAX URSELF lol... i actually need help
once i move and i remembered u live there so im reaching out....like i
said before this computer is a complete piece of CRAP and freezes NON
STOP.. ive tried ot send this email to u maybe 3 times already and im
hopign this time i can hit SEND before i run into trouble lol..
ANYWAYS.. heres the deal....every month natalie (my boss) gives each
of us 3 VIP codes to give out to whoever we want.. so with this code u
can lgoin to watch me at work for free and dont have to pay like
everyone else... the only way i can give u one of the codes (so we can
chat) is if you absolutey DO NOT give it out to anyone else and u ONLY
USE IT FOR URSELF... i only get 3 a month and she gets pissed if more
than 3 people use them so DONT SHARE IT MISTER... i figured u cud
always email me back instead but my email account doesnt even let me
login half the time.. so the bets palce ot chat me is my chat room...

if theres anyone else logged in when u sign in ill boot them out.. but
remember DONT SHARE THIS PASSWORD PLEASE BABE IM BEGGING U.. I TRUST
U... im online most of the day now to try and save money for my move..
also since im in such a huge debt already form my student loan :( I
really thingk we need to chat before i get there and make sure u evern
remember me hahha.. anyways ive rambled on and on now and ur probably
soooo annnoyed with me so ill stop now.. im gonna go start work.. i
really hope u come chat me. it wud make my day and releive a lot of my
stress about the move... REALLY i mean that....anyways once i see u in
insdie ill shoot u myc ell number and u can gimme yours.. if u dont

wanna come chat i understand but its really the only palce to find me
now days.. if u email me abck ill probably get it once i get there
after my internet is setup so about 2-3 weeks fomr now.. but im hopign
to see u in my chat room.. rmemeber its 100% free with this code im
gonna give u.. just DONT GIVE IT OUT OR ILL KICK U IN THE BALLS
INSTEAD OF LICK U IN THE BALLS WHEN IS EE U hahahahha...k babe im out
for now... chat ya soon.. kisses xoxo"

Well, that was uhh...well...that was sad...

With that stupidity out of the way, and the shitty formatting they used stuck with me, let's close things out the way we always do: with my dear, goddess Rika showing us the goods!

I do gifs now?!

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