Plot Summary: After an old woman is murdered, her magic lamp ends up in the hands of a museum curator.
Review: Apparently this film is the bastardization of another movie called "The Lamp." As far as I can tell they're the same film except that this is the more edited version. I will have to track down the original version at some point, but I think it's only on VHS at the moment; that's never a good sign. Anyway, this is such a cornball movie...but in the best of ways! I can't believe I had never heard of this until now, because it's just my style of campiness. Think of the story as "A Night at the Museum" meets "Chopping Mall" mixed with "Wishmaster." You'd think that would be a recipe for shit--and it sort of is--but it worked somehow. There were surprisingly a few good ideas in general and especially toward the kills. On top of that, there are a lot of ridiculous moments that are heavily amusing. I definitely liked this movie more than I should have, but, then again, I've mentioned I'm a sucker for genie-related films.
The movie opens with video quality that makes VHS look like Blu-ray; how the hell do you pull that off? In "The Lamp" they explain the origin of the old woman that had the magic lamp originally, but here we are simply introduced to an old lady being robbed. These dumbass thieves seem to know the old lady has something incredibly valuable and of course discover the lamp. Shortly after this, they suddenly kill the old lady. Uhh, I didn't know a common thief was that willing to murder as well, but, sure, why not? After rubbing the lamp, the genie appears, although, seemingly invisible. For some reason the genie kills all the thieves in a ridiculous manner and that's that. What the fuck? Give me my damn wishes, bitch! Next thing you know, the cops are investigating the crime scene and then the lamp is instantly at a museum. Whaaaat? I guess there was an edit there, or I hope so for their sake.
While at the museum, the curator adds the lamp to the inventory but is bothered by his daughter who looks like a slightly better looking Molly Ringwald. I can't emphasize the "slightly" aspect enough! In fact, I thought a lot of the cast looked remotely familiar, but this film was pretty much all of their only roles. Oh well. Unlike your typical genie tales, you need a dumb bracelet to create a link with the genie or else he can just kill your candy ass. I guess Aladdin would have been screwed. Of course Molly Ringwald puts it on just as she conveniently wishes her dad were dead...in a teen angsty way. The genie is a little biotch though and wants to rack up the body count before he grants that wish. That's good because it gives us a chance to bond with the dad and Molly Ringwald first. You know, quality time...like seeing the dad wearing a nightgown with accompanying upskirt shots while the daughter drinks diet pepsi for breakfast! Oh...good...fucking...lord. So you edit things out of a movie and this scene was worth keeping?!
Okay, this is taking too long, give me some fodder! When Molly tries to go to school with her boyfriend we come across a car chase scene involving her ex-boyfriend. What...for real? If this weren't dumb enough, when they get to school they get into an all out brawl as the ex-boyfriend tries to choke Molly. Luckily no one is around to break it up until the last second; you know, gotta give time to introduce all the background friends of Molly while establishing the ex-boyfriend's friend. The two bullies are kicked out of school which apparently means they are simply put on the sidewalk as they telepathically overhear Molly's conversations off screen. Hmm...nothing wrong with that. Conveniently enough, Molly and her class of losers are visiting her dad's museum that day and the bullies are plotting revenge; I don't think this could be any more contrived.
There's like an exposition character who explains that the lamp came from Iraq and is dated to have been made in 3500 BC. Molly's teacher gives us the rest of the exposition regarding genies and how they were originally believed to be evil demons called (d)jinn. Oh, and I have to mention that Molly's teacher is also dating her dad; must have been those sexy upskirt shots working it for her. While at the museum, Molly and her crew of flunkies get it into their head that they want to stay in the museum overnight...to fuck...I guess...I don't know. This is super convenient, because Molly also just happens to get possessed by the genie in order to arrange these shenanigans. Yes, I LOVE it when a movie makes up its rules as we go. The genie also kills a few pesky characters that try to screw up this asinine scheme as well as making it easier for the bullies to tag along. Is there like a specific body count the genie needs to grant wishes? You're killing me here, movie!
Eventually everything falls into place to sneak the characters in for their slumber fuck party. For some reason, this is when the genie stops possessing Molly. Not remember anything, Molly says whatever and carries on regardless. As you would guess, the characters split up to bang but the genie kills them off. I liked that the main strategy for killing everyone was to bring parts of the museum to life. This was an awesome idea. True, they didn't use it to their best advantage, but it was creative and is the best part no doubt. My biggest complaint was that one dude gets cut in half off screen. What the hell?! You can't have a crazy death like that and not show it! There are a few titty shots--just because--but, meh, I'll pass.
The curator dad, along with Molly's teacher, start to figure out something's wrong as they go back to find the kids. By this time, only Molly is left alive as the genie finally appears in the flesh. Umm, let's just say he looks like a failed Chuck-e-Cheese mascot. After killing like 10 people, I guess he's now ready to fulfill Molly's wish. Well, it's about fucking time, dude! She made that wish like 2 days ago you son of a bitch. They try to run from the genie by activating, uhhh, blast doors...or something. This is "Star Wars" now? The dad manages to get a translation off the lamp that conveniently says something along the lines of "in case of emergency destroy the lamp." The genie does manage to kill the dad, spares Molly's teacher for whatever reason, but Molly throws the lamp in an oven. And that's all she wrote for our genie friend. Wow, all that trouble just to kill her dad...imagine what chaos would have ensued had she wished for a pizza! The final shot tries to be ominous or something as Molly thinks she hears the noise from that genie bracelet she had. Uh oh, I smell a second outing! See what I did there?
To sum it up: the acting is weak, the characters are annoying, the film quality is laughably bad, the story is inconsistent and nonsensical, and the genie looks pitiful. In all fairness, this movie is outright terrible, however, it's so bad it becomes amazing! This is just the right blend of cheesiness combined with genuinely good ideas. All the ridiculous scenes feel awesome and the deaths are cool. I liked the use of the museum to enhance the death scenes and it sort of felt original overall. If you love these kind of schlocky '80s movies, this should not disappoint in the least. But if "The Lamp" is the longer and superior version, maybe that's the one we should be watching; too bad this is the easier version to find. Definitely check this shit out for a laugh!
Notable Moment: That ridiculous fight the kids have at school. Exacerbating the over the top nature of the fight was the idiotic car chase that proceeded that scene. Hilarious!
Final Rating: 6/10
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